I'm crying out

I have started a new class at the church. Jose was approached a few months ago about attending a Leadership Development Class. After we talked about it, we decided to attend.
Well, ever since I started, I have felt something in my heart.
An anger? Sadness? Frustration? I just can't put my finger on it. Maybe it's God trying to work some stuff out of me. Maybe it's Satan attacking me & stealing my ministry. Maybe it's just my emotions & PMS'ing. I honestly don't know & can't figure it out.
I wrote a list last Sunday while in class. This is what I wrote...
My Identity Issues & What I'm Battling...
1) I don't feel worthy enough to have it all (what God has for me)
2) Afraid of what God is going to do
3) Others passing judgement on how I live
4) Finding someone to talk with about it all. Not having someone to counsel with.
5) Walking away from the class feeling like crap & anger.
6) Felling like I am separating myself from the group & not participating.
7) Do I really want to do this?
8) Why is the fear built up so strong?
9) God puts me in the position to minister to others, but why is there no one there for me? Is it me not reaching out? Is it my own personal insecurities? Who can I reach out to? Who is my support?
#9 is probably my biggest issue right now. I'm not one to reach out to others for help. I have always had to "take care of myself" and therefore am not one to "whine" about my issues. I can 99.99% of the time handle the situation I am in by just reaching out to God for help, but sometimes we need flesh.
At our first meeting, I did go to one of the "leaders" to get help. When I started to talk, another girl walked up to her & was crying telling her, "I need to talk to you."
I was pushed to the side. So, the one time that I did try to reach out for help, I was pushed away & rejected. Something that I deal with VERY HEAVILY. I know it's probably something that I shouldn't have an issue with, since I have been dealing with it ALL my life, but it does bother me still.
Then during the last meeting people were talking & saying, "Yeah, I called so & so to get support and understand what was going on." or "I was talking to so & so about my particular situation."
It angered me that once again, everyone around me is getting help & support, BUT ME!
HELLO! AM I HERE? CAN ANYONE HEAR ME? I'M CRYING OUT & NOBODY IS LISTENING!!!!!!!!!!!

I finally opened up to Jose about it tonight. I was afraid of telling him, because I don't want him to tell me, "Just go talk to so & so." or "I don't want you to feel like this."
Well, I can't just go talk to "so & so", that's not me. When I do, it's because it is coming from my heart & I REALLY do need help.
And him telling me that he doesn't want me to feel like this tells me to shove my feelings down & "just keep swimming".

This burden is HEAVY! It's affecting me & I don't know what to do.
I actually emailed one of the leaders & told her I was going to drop. In turn, Jose feels he should drop. Making me feel guilty. I don't want him to drop from something he should be in.
UGH!
Someone, please help. What should I do?