Not so great news

Well today was the day that Anthony got the news weather he would be pulled up to the JV team for the BIG Beaumont vs Banning football game this Friday night.
When he called me to pick him up, he didn't sound so great. Jose brought him home and when he walked in and didn't really want to eat what I made for dinner, I knew something was wrong.
Jose texted me and told me that he is really upset...the coaches didn't choose him to play for the game this Friday.
So i asked him and he told me he didn't make it. He told me who all was being brought up to play and that the coaches didn't choose him.
My poor boy is super bummed. But it's also a lesson he needs to learn. This is his first season/year/EVER playing football. He's already first string and the coach is very impressed with him. He needs to know that he is doing AWESOME for where he is at right now and not making it for the "Big game" is ok.
So, I'm going to plan that we all head out Friday night to support our Boys In Blue! try to make it a good night.

Beaumont vs Yucaipa-Freshman Football

Game #5 and only the second one I've been able to watch. I got to the game just before half time. Walking onto the field, Beaumont is making a Touchdown! Always exciting to watch your team doing that =)
I have Jose on the phone and am going around the bend to give him the score. I see Home: 27 and then I look at Away: 00...WHAT? REALLY? 00?
After getting over the shock of the score, Yucaipa is doing the return kick off. Ant plays in this play and I'm looking for him. I see a guy take down the Yucaipa guy who has the ball, but I can't see who it is. Then I see 3 guys down on the ground and who I thought was my son, being tackled.
Come to find out, the announcer states, "Number 33, Herrera, for the take-down".
WHAT!?!?!?! That would be MY BOY!
I get to the bleachers and hear again...#33, Herrera for the tackle...WHOOP WHOOP!
The game went on and it was really a tough game. Yucaipa played their hearts out, but Beaumont took it...
50-0
Our boys are 5 & 0!
I am one proud Mama!!!

I'm birthing

Not in a physical form, but spiritual.
God placed in my heart years ago to have a women's bible study. I thought about it, looked into it, talked about, but it never happened. I was kinda bummed & sad, but it was alright. My whole goal is to be in God's will, not mine.
So for the past few months, God's been speaking to me. I believed, but also wanted it in His time, not mine. I didn't want to do anything in "Melissa's" strength or timing.
As I thought, questioned, prayed, seeked, I learned that I also pushed God away. Told him no, too many times, let depression come in, self insecurities, etc.
I was also going through some things, which I now see were growing pains. Stuff that I thought at times I would walk away from the "church" as a whole. Not that I wanted to, but was pushed to so many limits in so many ways, I was DONE!
As I pushed through, God spoke to me. He met me where I was at, in the pain, depression, fear, self doubt. I went to two different services. One that Pastor Todd taught & one Pastor Mike taught, at the end there was an alter call at both. I was at my breaking point, let it all out and God met me. He spoke to me through a couple of people, people who had NO IDEA what i was going through.
He then whispered to me, "your going to start your bible study. I want you to step out and trust in me. Don't look to the left or the right. I will put it into play, just move forward and open it up."
So, I put it out there. I first started with opening my home and inviting some of the ladies in my life. That went so well that it was asked that I do it again. So I did, this time it doubled in size!
I asked them if they would be interested in doing the bible study and the response was surprisingly great.
At this point I have 5-6 women who plan on attending.
God lead me to do The Frazzled Female bible study. He spoke it to me, and then my friend Sandy confirmed it...
Beginning October 1st (which coinsidentally enough is a Friday) I will be starting my bible study.
It hit me while I was doing the dishes...I'm going to be doing a bible study out of my home. Something my heart has desired for such a long time!

Interception & a TD

Ant had game #2 tonight in Menifee playing against Herritage High School. Unfortunately I wasn't able to go because Little had Color Guard until 3:45 & Ant's game started at 4pm.
Just got a text and once again, Beaumont Freshman won...15-12.
Ant said he got an interception and almost made a touchdown! ACK, I'M SO FREAKING STOKED! My boy is doing so good in football. I am such a proud Mama!

I didn't post about this, but last Wednesday I ran into Ant's football coach. I stopped him to ask him about something else, but in the conversation he asked me about Ant.
He asked me if this was his first year playing. I told him it was. He stated, "he told me that, but I didn't believe him." He also went on to tell me that he is very impressed with Anthony. That his skills are up there with the kids that he's been coaching for 6-8 years. He expects Ant to be on the Varsity team if not next year, then his Jr. year for sure.
Coach Gabe Penna was telling me that he makes a list of his boys every season. He said he'll sit down and start writing down names as they come to his mind. Anthony was in the top 12...he was saying that's how impressed he is with him.
I'm just flabbergasted!!!!
My boy has a very promising future. Now to keep him focused and see that he has a lot at stake if he messes around.
God's hand is upon him either way!

UGH!

I am SO stinken tired lately! I really don't know what's wrong with me. I have been going to sleep before 10pm every night and fighting to wake up by 6am...Granted, Delayna is still waking up 2-3 times a night, but still, WHAT THE HIZECK!?!?!
I went to go to my "Vitamin Guy" yesterday, but his store was closed. After posting on FB I found out that he moved shop. So I plan on hitting him up today to see what I can take, maybe some B12.
I need to get exercise back into my routine too. Maybe instead of taking a break and blogging, i could be working out! Anyways, just thought I'd come and complain...HA HA HA HA

The thoughts that run through my head

I had a whole other topic & blog in my head, but with such an emotional day, I've seem to have lost it all.
Well this morning didn't start out all that great. I was woken up at 7am by Miss Dee...Mama was NOT ready to wake up. I saw Jose go out the door & close it. I tried calling to him to take Delayna so I could get some more sleep, but he didn't hear me. Dominic did, so he climbed up into the bed and I told him to get the remote and turn on the t.v. for him & Dee to watch cartoons. They sat for a bit, but Dee crawled down and opened the door. I thought she was going downstairs with Jose. So I turned over and tried to catch a few more ZZZ's. A few minutes later Dominic wakes me up and says, "Mama, look at what Delayna did to your computer!"
I look down and this is what I see...


Oh My! Was I furious!!! I took it downstairs to show Jose. My mood was NOT what it should have been. Yes, she's a baby, yes she was left unattended, yes I know she's busy...BUT, I was still pissed!
So Jose took it and started working on it to attempt fixing it.
I headed to the kitchen to clean and burn some steam, then upstairs to get ready for church.
We left all of the kids home. Jose had a friend here that spent the night, Dee was too sick to go in the nursery & Adi watched her for us.
We got to church & honestly, I was not in the best of moods. Besides my computer being torn to shreds, Jose & I learned that Ant's friend that was over was stoned out of his gourd when he was here last night. We had a long talk on the way to church & were just besides ourselves in what to do, how to handle it and wondering if our son had any part in it.
We went in & kinda just sat by ourselves up front. I greeted a few people, but wasn't in the mood. My mom came in and I talked to her about it.
Service started & there were new songs. Not that it's a bad thing, but it's hard to get into a true worship mode when you don't know the songs. Finally they played one that I knew and I was able to kinda get there.
Well then Pastor Mike was introduced & came up. I've only heard him preach to the youth, but I've heard that when he preaches to the adults, he's FIRED UP! I was expecting to get a word, but some of my own feelings were blocking my attention. Mike felt it, not just with me of course, but with the whole congregation. He took a moment to pray for the heaviness to be lifted, for our focus to be on what God has for us, etc. By then I was able to open up to what God had.
He had us go to the story of God healing the paralytic. He talked about our own lives and how we are crippled with fear. And how we need to be like those friends of the paralytic who fought to get him to Jesus, no matter what/how. We need to be like that and fight to get to Jesus, no matter what it takes!
God has really been dealing with me regarding fear. It's something that I have been crippled with for YEARS! In So many areas of my life. But, not many people would know that. I make things look easy, I look comfortable, I look ok. But you can't see what's going on inside. How I fight to talk, walk, move forward. I'm afraid of what they'll say, think, feel, judge, condemn, pass judgement, turn me down, tell me "no", the list goes on forever!
God really spoke to me through Pastor Mike this morning! I don't have my notes in front of me & I'm so fried at this point, I can't & won't get everything on here that i want to.
But, God has been dealing with me regarding so many things! Fear, moving me forward into what He has for me, learning my self worth, learning the power I have in and through Him, Friendships (who and what), bringing me back to my first love, bringing me back to His love for others and the list goes on!
I went up to the alter and weeped like a baby out to my Heavenly Father (something else he's been dealing with me. you see, I never had a father/daddy to love me. So even turning to my Heavenly Father, it's a challenge!). But I felt as though something broke off of me. Then the longer I sat there crying out to Him, I felt something creep in and tell me, "Everyone is watching you. Who is wondering what your crying about. Your supposed to be a leader & your up here crying about fear? People are judging you." And as i felt it creep in, I hear Pastor Todd take the mic and say the following..."welcome conviction...rebuke condemnation"
WOW, Thank You My Heavenly Father! And as I welcomed the conviction of my actions and rebuked the condemnation that I was putting upon myself, i was able to open another door to my heart.
I can't tell you how long I was up there crying out to God, being prayed over, have life & words spoken into me. But I can tell you, my Heavenly Father did a work! My face was covered in black make up, snot wiped from my nose and onto my pants, eyes burning like I was in a chlorine bath & head pounding from so many emotions and thoughts running through my head. All not physically great, but spiritually AWESOME!
I have SO much I need to work on, starting with ME! I have so much pain to work through, focus to change and love to allow in.
I pray that I can take this daily to God and that i would be awakened daily with a spirit from God. Remembering to seek Him first & daily!!!!

Then this evening PT ministered to the Youth Group regarding spiritual purity. All I can say is, "WOW, did he read Ant's book!" He spoke some powerful words into my boys life. God has been using situations to allow us to feed into Him what God says, does and commands. But for Ant to hear it from our Pastor, I believe it hit his core. I have yet to talk with him one on one, but God is working & I choose to believe that we have been going through a season for a reason!
CHANGE IS COMING
Hmmm, just found this & it spoke everything i've been thinking...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lip2K4x2Mhg

Time

It seems as though I don't have enough of it in a day, or at all lately! I just realized I haven't posted since school ended in July and here we are finished with 2 weeks of the new school year already.
I also noticed, I never blogged about Easter this year. I found pics of my Gramma & Dee that I never posted...what the heck!?!?
Well, I am sick today & plan on being home all day tomorrow and possibly Monday, so let's see how much I can update.
I may be back dating some of these, so they correspond with the correct days. Anyhoot...TTYL

We're movin on up...

We finally found Delayna a toddler bed! I am SO excited!!! Because, I am anticipating a good nights rest, after she transitions. She has slept with me (and I mean ME! smack up against me, under my armpit me, in my ribs me, legs kicked back on my legs me...UGH! Not easy for me to sleep at all!) since birth. She was so colicy & being a breastfed baby I just found it easier to have her sleep with me. Well, I'm done & went on a hunt!

Graduation Day!

OK, so I'm about a month late posting this, but it's up!
Anthony graduated from Jr. High aka Middle School on June 10, 2010.
Jose, Delayna, Adriana, James, Gail, my mom & I all went to his graduation.
It was definitely a bitter sweet day! We are so very proud of our boy, but man, time sure has flown! I can't believe how much he has grown and how the years have placed us to where we are at today.
Here are some pics that I got...

Walking up


Waiting in line to hit the stage


Looking to see how much longer he has to wait...my boy, he was so nervous, but wouldn't admit it.


Standing with his Principle Mr. Wood


With a soccer buddy, Matthew Hamilton aka Matt aka Dynamite


Best Friends Forever! Jessica, Cera, Me & Ant


Ant & Cera (don't they look so happy together, I should bust out their bath pics! Ant is 20 days older than Cera...CRAZY!)


Silliness


Adi & Ant...she loves her big brother!


My Man & His Boy


Ant and his baby, Dizzy Dee...he loves his baby!


The boys swinging Dee


Taking "Bobo" out for breakfast


Awe, a Mama & Her Baby Boy...I love this kid!

Twilight Trilogy!!!

Our local theater had a showing of Twilight, New Moon and the premier of Eclipse. I got tickets for Little & I to go to our first "Girls Night Out". We met up with Cynthia and Loretta at the theater...It was SUCH an awesome time and a night I will always remember!!!

Here's a pic of Little & I


Cynthia & Little

Cynthia & Adi's feet...we were waiting in line forever just to get in! Nothing else to take pics of I guess...LOL!

Beach Trip 7.12.10

After being busy as ever these past few months, Jose had the day off and we decided to get the flock out of here! We took off and went to the beach. We found a perfect parking spot, not too far from the shore. It was empty where we went & enjoyed the day away from home, life, etc... (I even left my cell in the truck, so I wouldn't be tempted to text or facebook!) I really enjoyed myself and came home just in a different mood. Anyhoot, here's some pics (of course!)


My Honey Skin Boarding




Berry & I


My Pretty Girl


Delayna chasing the seagull

Honey, my other son & Ant


Bits made this sand creation. He was so excited, he asked me to take a picture. Then Little suggested putting it on Sprout. Which Bit's finished...Online dot com...LOL!


My sexy boy, getting so big & muscular


Papa & the babies

Friends & Heartache

After reading my friend Jessica's blog, I decided to blog about my friends.
Once again, I'm at a crossroads as to who my "real friends" are. You think you have them and there are those who lead you to believe that they are your friend...BUT are they?
I had a deep intimate conversation with a friend recently who informed me that some of my "friends" have really been talking about me. Not only to her, but others. As well as others talking about me.
I'm not going to lie, it hurts. But I guess that's why I have this wall built up around my heart. Pastor Todd has taught us that if we have illness with our "brother or sister" we are to go to them. But how do you go to someone who is intentionally doing this...it's their character. I've heard it come out of their mouths about other people. Never thought that it would come out about me, but I guess if that's their character, they will talk about everyone.
I've ALWAYS had issues with making friends. I'm one who will love and trust you with all I have, and even if you hurt me, I will push it aside and continue to love you. Guess that's what happens when your abused as a child. But as I've grown older, I've learned to build a wall up. It's a defense mechanism. It allows me to let people "in", but if I'm ever hurt, the wall is there not allowing the pain to penetrate me. After an offense is done, I learn, I can't trust that person. I don't even know how to deal with it.
There was an incident that happened recently where someone meant to tell someone something about me, but ended up telling me. Not the other person. How do I deal with this? I acted as if nothing ever happened. It hurt, but I don't even know what to do. I now know this person isn't a friend. I now know I can't trust this person. I now know this person is another one of those people talking smack about me. I will NEVER be a "friend" to this person.
But how do I address this person? I feel as though it needs to be confronted, but how?
Melissa knows to just let it go & not say anything. To keep my wall up, but still be there to hang out or whatever.
I guess once again, it's been proven...You can't trust anyone! I've been hurt in my life enough, it's no wonder why I have such a hard wall built up around my heart and don't let anyone in to love me.
I've never really allowed anyone to break through and love me with the love that I deserve. Not God, my mom, Jose, no one. It really sucks, because I honestly don't know what it is to be truly loved. I've tried opening up, tearing my walls down, allowing God in. But sure enough, as soon as I open myself up, I am stabbed right in the heart by someone, causing me to close back up.
No wonder I have such a hard time with acceptance.
I don't know how/what to do to fix this. Guess it will take God & time.

Story of Robin

For some reason, I didn't get this when my Aunt sent it out the first time. But my Uncle told my mom about it today and sent it my direction. You all know how much I love my cousin, Robin. Well this is her mom speaking on Robin's life (or summing it up in 30 mins). It is very moving! I pray you take the time to listen to her story and allow God to touch you through it!

My Friend, Jen

I have a friend from Rodchester, NY that I met a little over 5 years ago on SheKnows (a board where a bunch of women chat about life issues. All of our babies were born in Dec '04).
Jen has been through some major obstacles, to say the least, in her life. She has ALWAYS been such an inspiration to me. Recently she started a journey of weight loss, which at this point, has gotten her 115 lighter than she was. She was featured in Democrat And Chronicle dot com...
Here is the Link: Jen Moore
I hope it inspires you as much as she has me!

Facebooking

So, I've realized how much I put on Facebook and I'm not posting it here. I am going to try really hard to pull everything over.
I can't seem to figure out how to post from my cell phone to my blogger account...If anyone can help me out on that, please let me know.
Thus the reason why I just put it on Facebook. But my blog is really missing out.
So, that's all...Drive-Thru...Good-Bye =)

Sports Orientation...My little boy is growing up =(

Didn't know how else to title this, but with what I'm gonna talk about.
Wednesday night Anthony & I went to the High School Sports Orientation. While it was pretty lame (due to the speaker they invited) it was kind of a sad/proud moment.
I sat with Kathleen's Mom (Ant's main squeeze's mom) and Linda Keck (Ant & her son Zach went to elementary school together). During the meeting I couldn't help but wander in thought about My Boy starting his new journey in life.
They showed pictures of kids who have achieved great things in their sports. One boy from Beaumont High now plays for the San Fransisco 49ers, another girl was presented an award...here is a blurb from the BHS sports website:
CHAMPION!!!

Junior Amanda Hendey has won the first state championship in Beaumont High School history. Amanda won the 126-lb. weight class at the girls' state wrestling championships at Hanford HS on Saturday by pinning her opponent in the 2nd period. Congratulations, Amanda! BHS is proud of you!

They spoke so much on the fact that they are very supportive of their athletes and want the best for them. How awesome to hear that? Especially from school staff!
After the speaker we were able to go meet the coaches. First was the football coach. I spoke to him regarding the rumors of the coaches not "allowing" the boys to play HS football and AYSO. He said that he would support Anthony, if that's what he wants to do, but wants Anthony at the practices and games. Which is understandable and already discussed to us with Lenny. Lenny (Ant's tournament soccer coach) is willing to allow Ant to practice with the football team during the week to get his conditioning and play him in the games on Saturday. Which is AWESOME! This is an awesome opportunity for Anthony to play both sports! OH, and the coaches to support him!
Next we went & spoke with the soccer coach (who just so happens to be the husband to Ant's old PE coach that kicked him out of her class. I think she had a crush on him & that's why she removed him, but whatever). He said that he wants Ant to only play soccer, not football. But that if he is skilled enough that he would work with him to play both sports. He is only taking 5 freshmen, so he will be holding try outs. He is going to have the boys go 1v1 to see their skills. Looking at the list, Ant will do really good up against the boys. We saw 2 boys that he would have good competition with.
After walking away, we were talking about GPA's and scholarships. Ant is stuck on "only needing to carry a 2.0 gpa". But if he wants a scholarship, he needs to focus on a 3.0 or higher. Which he is VERY capable of!
So, we are both really excited! I would LOVE to see my boy get a scholarship to college. He wants to go to USC, but God knows where he will be placed.
Looks like we are going to have our work cut out for us, but it will ALL be worth it in the end!
3 weeks of school left & my boy will be graduating from Jr. High!
Beaumont High School, Here We Come!

Look, she's praying

Last night we all sat down to eat and Delayna kept putting her head down on her hand on the table. We were trying to figure out what she was doing. We noticed she wasn't eating and kept doing this.
So, I announced, "Let's say our prayers so we can eat."
Jose said he would say them and again, she put her head down on her hands and kept her head down. He started praying and as he did, I watched her. She would pop her head up, look around and see we were still praying and then put her head back down.
My little girl is SO sweet. It blesses my heart to see that she is praying with us over dinner.

Wall*E Does It!

Dominic has got to be THEE cutest little boy I know! Seriously & not just because he is mine.
Today, Allan & Shelli came over to get a tile saw from my Honey. Dominic put on the movie Wall*E and Allan & I were talking about it. Allan had never seen it, so I was explaining the movie and the story line to him.
Later we go outside to get him the tile saw and Dominic finds a fire extinguisher we have in the garage. He is messing with it while I was helping Allan pull all the stuff surrounding the saw out. We both carry it to his truck, I turn around and I see Dominic holding this fire extinguisher in his hand trying to 'spray' it.
I asked him, "Mijo, what are you doing?"
He tells me, "I'm trying to spray it Mama."
Me~"Why do you want to spray it, it's dangerous and could make you sick or get in your eyes."
Dom~"Well Mama, Wall*E does it and he flies."
Me, trying to contain my exposure and not bust up laughing, "Dominic, Wall*E is a robot, he's in outer space and it's just a movie. You can't spray that and go flying."
Dom~"But Mama, Wall*E flies, I want to fly all around like him too."

After about 10 mins of repetitive explanation, he finally gave up the fight and said...
"Fine, you take it, you spray it, and you go flying by yourself!"
He's such a character!