30 days of Thankfulness ~Day 8

Hmmm, I have a coin to flip for today =)
But, I think my friends are going to take this day...
I have been blessed with some really good ones, if I say so myself!
I want to point each one out individually, but if I did that, I would never end this post and I may miss someone and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
But there is one special friend I want to brag on...
One that's been in my life for a couple centuries, one that has been through the dirt with me and still loves me for who *I* am, one that has loved my mom and brother through all of their crap and never judged or condemned them, one that has probably known more about me than even my husband (no, I don't tell him everything...there are things that just don't need to be said).
This friend has been more of a friend and more like a sister to me, the one I never had. No matter where life has taken us, the roads that have separated us, circumstances that have taken our lives down different paths, we still come together like we were never separated.
We went to school together, got drunk together, did things together only her and I will take to the grave.
We've laughed together, cried together, mourned together, been frustrated over the same family members, had our babies together, graduated Jr. High and High School together, watched our babies graduate Jr. High together.
We've both walked away from the Lord and church, while our moms prayed our butts back in. We understand each other, hold each other up, give advice to each other without condemnation on what we did.
She's held me up in some of my darkest hours, and walked with me through some of my hardest years.
Remember those heart necklaces that half said BEST and the other half said FRIENDS. I can honestly say, she has a piece of my heart and tattooed on it it says, "Best Friend".
I haven't always been the 'best' friend that I should be, but we both know, we are there, no matter what!

This special person would be Jessica Yvonne Hale (amongst her many married names =) Love ya Jess...LOL!)
I remember the day I met you. Your mom and my mom picked us up from school in her little funky green car. Since that car, our lives have taken us down some memorial paths. No matter what, through thick and thin, we still stand, bonded as if that day we were born to be sisters.
I don't say it enough, nor do I show it enough. But I love you!
You have a piece of my heart forever.
Here is a pic of Jessica, Cera, Me & Ant at their Jr. High Graduation (remind me to look for our graduation pics...I have them somewhere!)

Graduation Day!

OK, so I'm about a month late posting this, but it's up!
Anthony graduated from Jr. High aka Middle School on June 10, 2010.
Jose, Delayna, Adriana, James, Gail, my mom & I all went to his graduation.
It was definitely a bitter sweet day! We are so very proud of our boy, but man, time sure has flown! I can't believe how much he has grown and how the years have placed us to where we are at today.
Here are some pics that I got...

Walking up


Waiting in line to hit the stage


Looking to see how much longer he has to wait...my boy, he was so nervous, but wouldn't admit it.


Standing with his Principle Mr. Wood


With a soccer buddy, Matthew Hamilton aka Matt aka Dynamite


Best Friends Forever! Jessica, Cera, Me & Ant


Ant & Cera (don't they look so happy together, I should bust out their bath pics! Ant is 20 days older than Cera...CRAZY!)


Silliness


Adi & Ant...she loves her big brother!


My Man & His Boy


Ant and his baby, Dizzy Dee...he loves his baby!


The boys swinging Dee


Taking "Bobo" out for breakfast


Awe, a Mama & Her Baby Boy...I love this kid!

Friends & Heartache

After reading my friend Jessica's blog, I decided to blog about my friends.
Once again, I'm at a crossroads as to who my "real friends" are. You think you have them and there are those who lead you to believe that they are your friend...BUT are they?
I had a deep intimate conversation with a friend recently who informed me that some of my "friends" have really been talking about me. Not only to her, but others. As well as others talking about me.
I'm not going to lie, it hurts. But I guess that's why I have this wall built up around my heart. Pastor Todd has taught us that if we have illness with our "brother or sister" we are to go to them. But how do you go to someone who is intentionally doing this...it's their character. I've heard it come out of their mouths about other people. Never thought that it would come out about me, but I guess if that's their character, they will talk about everyone.
I've ALWAYS had issues with making friends. I'm one who will love and trust you with all I have, and even if you hurt me, I will push it aside and continue to love you. Guess that's what happens when your abused as a child. But as I've grown older, I've learned to build a wall up. It's a defense mechanism. It allows me to let people "in", but if I'm ever hurt, the wall is there not allowing the pain to penetrate me. After an offense is done, I learn, I can't trust that person. I don't even know how to deal with it.
There was an incident that happened recently where someone meant to tell someone something about me, but ended up telling me. Not the other person. How do I deal with this? I acted as if nothing ever happened. It hurt, but I don't even know what to do. I now know this person isn't a friend. I now know I can't trust this person. I now know this person is another one of those people talking smack about me. I will NEVER be a "friend" to this person.
But how do I address this person? I feel as though it needs to be confronted, but how?
Melissa knows to just let it go & not say anything. To keep my wall up, but still be there to hang out or whatever.
I guess once again, it's been proven...You can't trust anyone! I've been hurt in my life enough, it's no wonder why I have such a hard wall built up around my heart and don't let anyone in to love me.
I've never really allowed anyone to break through and love me with the love that I deserve. Not God, my mom, Jose, no one. It really sucks, because I honestly don't know what it is to be truly loved. I've tried opening up, tearing my walls down, allowing God in. But sure enough, as soon as I open myself up, I am stabbed right in the heart by someone, causing me to close back up.
No wonder I have such a hard time with acceptance.
I don't know how/what to do to fix this. Guess it will take God & time.

Delayna's Dedication

Well, in 2 Sundays, Jose and I have scheduled to dedicate Delayna. This is something that I honestly have struggled with for a year. To me, a dedication is taken seriously.
Merriam-Webster defines dedication as: 1. an act or rite of dedicating to a divine being 2. self-sacrificing devotion (amongst 2 other definitions).
In my heart, when I dedicated my other 3 children, I was standing in front of not only my church family, but ultimately God. I took a vow that I would trust Him with my precious children's lives. That NO MATTER what would happen, come our way, Jose and I would trust that He would take care of my children at all times. Now you tell me that you can put your children's lives in someones hands and just be ok with it.
So this time with Delayna, knowing she's my last baby, my precious jewel, I've battled with her dedication. Not that I don't trust God, in all his ways. Or that I don't want to believe that all will be ok, etc. I do trust him, I love him, and I know he will carry my children all the days of their lives...but it's just been hard.
So, Jose and I were talking and we decided it was time. We are doing it on the 24th, because, well, she'll be a year on the 20th and it's the following Sunday ;-)
I also struggled this time with having Godparents for her. I asked very special people that were in my lives with Anthony & Adriana to be their Godparents. Unfortunately through those experiences it damaged my thoughts of Godparents and ever being able to have someone in my children's lives that I could KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that no matter what ever happened to Jose and I, that they would be there to raise them up under His laws, ways and love.
Well, through MUCH prayer, seeking & careful consideration. Jose and I agreed that we would give Delayna Godparents. I feel as though my children should have someone in their lives that they know they could ALWAYS, no matter what, turn to them and find Godly counsel (yes, there is a difference!). And family sometimes is just too close!
So, we approached Noe & Monica with the offer of being Delayna's Godparents. I can happily say, they accepted the responsibility. Monica even stated, that she would like to take all 4 under and be their Godparents too. So, we will see what God has in store for that.
I have also asked some very special people in my life, that through our lives have been by my side through thick and thin. I have been able to turn to them, cry on their shoulders, find comfort & refuge when I needed someone other than my family.
So I asked Allan & Angel, Jessica and Mona (awe,well Mona is another story) to stand with my family. Promising to be there for my baby girl, just as they have me. They all agreed to take the responsibility also.
Wow, what a day it is going to be!

Here is her GORGEOUS dress, she will be getting a little jacket type thing to wear with it. Her Granina & Tianina(that would be Monica's mom & sister...get it her Grandma+Nina=Granina, Tia+Nina=Tianina...LOL, I bust myself up sometimes!) is going crazy having finding her stuff!


And her little shoes


She is gonna be the queen of the ball!

Christmas Eve At The Herrera's

This year I got to do Christmas Eve at my house. Honestly, I think I may make it that I have it at my house every year! I LOVE that I can make dinner, everyone come over, have a great time, clean up, do our traditions and then Christmas Day be devoted to just being a family & not worrying about any hustle or bustle.
I have some pics posted, of course.
All out of order, but se la vie...I will walk ya through them...

This would be Santa & the Reindeer's treats, after they visited

And Before


My beautiful children before bed


Delayna "helping" mama clean up


Dominic putting stuff out for Santa & crew


The night wouldn't be complete without my goofy brother


Jess & Mark


Jessica & Delayna


Cuzin Sarah & Delayna


Game of good 'ol Mexican Train Dominoes


Tracking Santa


The Wallace's & Thompson's


Dinner (from left to right) Gail, James, Ben, Mom, Star, Dad


Jessica, Gail, James & Ben


Mom, Star, Dad, Jose


Delayna riding Dominic's bike (NO, she NEVER stops!)


Yaaaa, she's a big girl!


Woah hoa hoa, what do we have here? That would be your's truly with a torch...glazing my ham.


Check me out!


ooooooh, my yummy dipped pretzels & marshmallows, I think I had 1...LOL

That's All Folks!

Mama, Look, It's Rudolph!

Every year I have a tradition of getting my computer up and going Christmas Eve afternoon. The kids & I start tracking Santa. I have been doing this for about 3-4 years now and absolutely enjoy it!
Well this year, Dominic & Devin were at an age that they knew who Santa was, what Santa does and that Santa does exist.
I was lucky enough to have Christmas Eve at my house this year and I took my laptop down stairs and pulled up Norad, Santa's Tracking System around 4pm. Dominic & Devin absolutely lit up when they saw that I was tracking Santa! We were able to watch video of where he was, see where he was going and watch him get closer and closer to us.
About every hour or so (more or less), the boys would tell me, "Let's check on Santa!" I would go to the couch, pull out my laptop and put on the tracker.
Those boys are SO SWEET! They would light up with excitement every time they saw where Santa was...It literally put tears in my eyes seeing them so excited (every time I put it on!).
Right before James & Gail were getting ready to go home, I told they boys, "Let's go check on Santa one last time before Devin goes."
So we piled onto the couch one last time and saw that Santa was in Mexico! The boys were freaking out! "We gotta go to bed! Santa is in Mexico!"
So James, Gail, Sarah, Devin, Mark & Jessica all left.
I got the kids ready for bed and Dominic asked if we could go outside to see if we could see Santa. So we got some slippers on and went out. He first poked his head out the door and just barely looked out, but couldn't see anything.
So he took a step out onto the porch, looked up and around in the sky. He yelled, "Mama, look, there's Rudolph!" I looked & didn't see anything.
I asked him, "Where mijo, I don't see anything but stars."
So he pointed again in the same direction and said, "There mama, I see him, his nose is flashing red!"
I then realized, he in fact did see a red flashing light! It was the flashing light from an airplane...LOL!
But of course, I fed into his imagination and screamed with excitement, which allowed me to also let out my laugh. Then told him, "HURRY, GET INTO THE HOUSE! WE GOTTA GET INTO BED! Santa is going to pass us over if he still sees us up!"
So, Dominic & Adriana ran into the house and up the stairs. Dominic hopped into Anthony's bed, telling him who he just saw and that they better hurry and go to sleep!
Needless to say, I was able to "play Santa" early and tuck myself into bed.
I hope you had a WONDERFUL Christmas, and remember, there are always ways to make GREAT MEMORIES!!!

What I'm Thankful For & My Warm Fuzzies

Tonight was my church's annual Candlelight Service. I was TRULY blessed by everyone there and their stories!
In particular Arlene's, Angel's, Noe's & Jessica's. I won't go into particulars about what they said, because it was dear to their hearts & shared with us in confidentiality.
I do want to focus on Angel & Jessica telling me how much they appreciate me and what I have done for them this year. As I reflect & was talking to God about it, He spoke to me and reminded me of something he taught me recently. I always say, "I just do what I do and am who I am. Not looking for any thanks or special appreciation." What God has revealed to me is that it's through HIM that I can do this. Being quiet & still, allowing me to hear what He has to say to me and being obedient in His will for what he has for me. It's in and through Him that I can touch these lives. In the same breath...when 'Melissa' tries to do it, whether in my own strength, thoughts or wants, that's when I fail, exhaust myself and don't accomplish what was sent out to do.
WOW, isn't God awesome!
It just reveals to me that through Him, I can do any & everything! That even though times get tough and I go through crap, as long as I turn to Him, I can still walk without growing weary. Serve and accomplish His will. Reach out and be used by Him...Hahahahaha, I am chuckling at the very thought that this vessel of doubt, insecurity, pain, whatever I think of myself, can still do His Works!
Then Noe got up and talked about who he appreciated. He then went to give his "warm/fuzzy". As he spoke, he said, "This gentleman (key word my friend!) has been placed in my life. I have gone through some times where I was a Joseph, but God has given me a Jonathan to turn to. That gentleman is, Jose Herrera". WOW, that's my husband. So I came home & looked up Joseph & Jonathan, what a blessing, is all I have to say!

So, tonight, I wanted to get up and honor a few people, but my thoughts just would not come together! Needless to say, I didn't get up & say anything, but I wanted to just take time to blog & express my appreciation about a few people in my life.
Before I do that, I must add...I do have the best church family EVER! They are closer than my own & I wouldn't have it any other way!
My Pastor & his wife are the BEST you could EVER come by! The light that they shine, the example that they set, I could go on & on! Pastor Todd & Mishelle,,,Thank You! Words couldn't describe what you two mean to my family & I!

First of all is, Robin. Where do I even begin? Robin has been such a role model to me through her life. No matter what she went through, she remained in her walk with the Lord. Declaring His promises, standing on His word & covering her family with prayer. She lived 30 FULL years & touched everyone she came in contact with. I even had people on my prayer chain telling me what she inspired in their lives. Robin, I love you for all you are, did & stood for!

Secondly is Kindra Crandell. Kindra has been one of those people in my life that (through the whole time of me knowing her) has been one to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit. God has spoken to me numerous times through Kindra and has helped me on my journey of finding Melissa. She has allowed me to serve the Lord by serving his Princess' at MOTS, a position I DON'T take lightly. And encouraged me in many areas. Kindra, I thank you & am SO very grateful for you!

Last but not least is Monica...Even Monica! *that would be an inside joke ;-)* My warm/fuzzy goes out to you Mon!
I remember singing a song as a child, "What a friend we have in Jesus." When I think of Monica, I literally sing, "What a friend I have in Monica." Talk about sensitive to the spirit! This girl hasn't a clue that I am going through things in my life, but the spirit whispers to her and she acts on it. There have been days & times in my life this past year where I am DONE! Monica wouldn't have a clue of what I'm going through & I get a text or a call from her. She allows me to vent without judgement & condemnation. She encourages me in love, lifting me up.
God has really been putting me through the fire with my personality. Finding who I am, not only as Melissa, but who I am in Christ. If anyone knows, it's NOT easy! It hurts, tries, breaks, and everything else that's unpleasant. Well, Monica has been there for me through it all. Speaking life into me, encouraging me, telling me like it is but in love. I have 2 best friends in my life that I know I can turn to no matter what. I believe God has placed Monica in my life to be my third.
Monica, for ALL you are, all you do for me & my family, everything that you have stood with me through...I thank you & love you!

I pray everyone has a blessed Thanksgiving. Remember what this is all about! If it wasn't for God giving us His son, we would not be here.
Thank you my Father for your love, grace & mercy! It's beyond anything I could ever dream or imagine!

If you so feel, please share your Thanks with me!

Weekend Update; Cleaning, Luau, Father's Day

Well, our weekend started Friday. The WHOLE family cleaned all day long! Jose went & rented a carpet cleaner & did our carpets. The kids helped with the downstairs while I organized & dusted like crazy. Then they went upstairs. It was a LONG, HARD DAY!
Saturday I got up early and started decorating for the party. Then I had to head out to Costco to pick up the cake.
Here's pics from Saturday...
The Cake


Kid's waiting for CAKE!


My Silly Devin


Licking frosting off of the knife


Mr. Al Dog himself, thinking he's sexy eating the cake


Courtney got a pic w/ me, couldn't leave her out


The poker game going on


My pretty Little


Feeding Delayna, YES, I am SUPERMOM!


Chelsea playing with the boys


My Sexy Honey doing his thang


Silly Bits!


Branden copying & his silly Mama, Jodi


Courtney & Sarah, munching on some Grubbage (in Pauly Shore's voice)

Me w/ my 2 Besties; Me, Jessica & Angel


Silly Sexy Girls...LOL


Our backyard looking like Hawaii


FOOD!





The fish net with Adriana as the 'catch'


Soccer side



Father's Day, we all got up late & started hopping to get ready for church. We even forgot that it was Father's Day =( My poor Honey. We realized it was Father's Day when we got to church & Jim told Jose Happy Father's Day...WHOOPS!!!!
We had a wonderful service!!! Jose really enjoyed it and took it home talking about it. We got home, made lunch & cleaned the house from Saturday. Then we went to our friend's Noe & Monica's for a BBQ with a few of our friends.
Noe smoked ribs, brisket, chicken, and made home made mac n' cheese. Oh man, was the food good! The rest of us all brought sides & Janie made us desert.
It was really a great time! As the evening wore down, Steve & Mike brought out the guitarras and we all sang praise & worship songs. It was AWESOME!
I didn't take many pics, but I did get pics of Delayna & Eden, so here they are...