Daniel Fast 2013-thoughts and encouragement

Just wanted to share and send some encouraging words. I remember doing the fast last year and everyone talking about how God is revealing Himself to them. How they are "growing" and learning. I was pretty envious and wondered if I was going to feel this way. No, I didn't.
Then this year I went into the fast and didn't know what to expect, what God was going to do, where I was going to be led. But one night during my bible study I read, "we need to be willing to be willing." I told Fod at that moment that I am willing to be willing for His works! Honestly, I always worry what I'm going to go through or what He's going to have me do. Well so far there has been nothing great or grand. I am seeing Jose in his days watching him lean on our Father as we are going through horrible withdraws (I blogged about that one!) and he is growing before my eyes in our Father's strength. I kind of started feeling down and questioning God. Wondering what I'm doing wrong. Well, this my friends is what he told me:
"There are four common categories of toxic thoughts. These are negative, fearful, discontented, and critical. Chances are you are struggling with toxic thoughts in one or more of these four ways. Don't let these toxic thoughts grab hold of you and consume you. The deeper you let them take root inside you, the harder they will be to shake off. Identify those thoughts and reject them today.

Which types of toxic thoughts do you experience most often? What are some examples of your toxic thoughts?"
I am letting those thoughts toy with me. Let me encourage you, if Satan has come and made you question why you are doing this fast, what your getting out of it, etc. KNOW, it's the enemy trying to come in and make you question. Stand strong. God may not use you in the way you think or you expect him to. Just being there to speak life into someone or encourage them is a sign that God IS USING YOU!
Take those thoughts captive and stand on His word!
Huge Hugs from Me!

My boy...

I'm sitting here looking at pics on facebook of my baby boy. There's just something about him that brings me so much joy and years that fill my eyes.
He's at his first quinceñera tonight, and as he made his plans I started to question myself. He initially planned on staying at his friend Marcelino's house. But then the more I thought about it, I had concerns. I know quinces and I know there will be alcohol and yes, even possibly drugs.
It's not that I don't trust my boy, I do, but I've been there and done that. Temptations rears up like a vicious lion, and my boy being as popular as he is, of course will have to protect his reputation.
So I change his plans and he won't be going tio his friends and I will be picking him up. Anthony is such an awesome kid. He has an amazing head on his shoulders, he's amazingly driven and loves life. One mistake could cost him. I tell him that allllll the time, but he's a teenager and of course "knows everything".
So mean 'ol mama that I am, I'm not letting him spend the night, but I allowed him to go to the party. I pray the holy spirit walks with him, protects him and quickens him to any senseless act he may do or think of doing.
I love my boy beyond words. He continues to amaze me. One day he will make an amazing husband and loving father.
Until then, my job is never through. And I will proudly be "the mean mom".

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What I'm Thankful For & My Warm Fuzzies

Tonight was my church's annual Candlelight Service. I was TRULY blessed by everyone there and their stories!
In particular Arlene's, Angel's, Noe's & Jessica's. I won't go into particulars about what they said, because it was dear to their hearts & shared with us in confidentiality.
I do want to focus on Angel & Jessica telling me how much they appreciate me and what I have done for them this year. As I reflect & was talking to God about it, He spoke to me and reminded me of something he taught me recently. I always say, "I just do what I do and am who I am. Not looking for any thanks or special appreciation." What God has revealed to me is that it's through HIM that I can do this. Being quiet & still, allowing me to hear what He has to say to me and being obedient in His will for what he has for me. It's in and through Him that I can touch these lives. In the same breath...when 'Melissa' tries to do it, whether in my own strength, thoughts or wants, that's when I fail, exhaust myself and don't accomplish what was sent out to do.
WOW, isn't God awesome!
It just reveals to me that through Him, I can do any & everything! That even though times get tough and I go through crap, as long as I turn to Him, I can still walk without growing weary. Serve and accomplish His will. Reach out and be used by Him...Hahahahaha, I am chuckling at the very thought that this vessel of doubt, insecurity, pain, whatever I think of myself, can still do His Works!
Then Noe got up and talked about who he appreciated. He then went to give his "warm/fuzzy". As he spoke, he said, "This gentleman (key word my friend!) has been placed in my life. I have gone through some times where I was a Joseph, but God has given me a Jonathan to turn to. That gentleman is, Jose Herrera". WOW, that's my husband. So I came home & looked up Joseph & Jonathan, what a blessing, is all I have to say!

So, tonight, I wanted to get up and honor a few people, but my thoughts just would not come together! Needless to say, I didn't get up & say anything, but I wanted to just take time to blog & express my appreciation about a few people in my life.
Before I do that, I must add...I do have the best church family EVER! They are closer than my own & I wouldn't have it any other way!
My Pastor & his wife are the BEST you could EVER come by! The light that they shine, the example that they set, I could go on & on! Pastor Todd & Mishelle,,,Thank You! Words couldn't describe what you two mean to my family & I!

First of all is, Robin. Where do I even begin? Robin has been such a role model to me through her life. No matter what she went through, she remained in her walk with the Lord. Declaring His promises, standing on His word & covering her family with prayer. She lived 30 FULL years & touched everyone she came in contact with. I even had people on my prayer chain telling me what she inspired in their lives. Robin, I love you for all you are, did & stood for!

Secondly is Kindra Crandell. Kindra has been one of those people in my life that (through the whole time of me knowing her) has been one to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit. God has spoken to me numerous times through Kindra and has helped me on my journey of finding Melissa. She has allowed me to serve the Lord by serving his Princess' at MOTS, a position I DON'T take lightly. And encouraged me in many areas. Kindra, I thank you & am SO very grateful for you!

Last but not least is Monica...Even Monica! *that would be an inside joke ;-)* My warm/fuzzy goes out to you Mon!
I remember singing a song as a child, "What a friend we have in Jesus." When I think of Monica, I literally sing, "What a friend I have in Monica." Talk about sensitive to the spirit! This girl hasn't a clue that I am going through things in my life, but the spirit whispers to her and she acts on it. There have been days & times in my life this past year where I am DONE! Monica wouldn't have a clue of what I'm going through & I get a text or a call from her. She allows me to vent without judgement & condemnation. She encourages me in love, lifting me up.
God has really been putting me through the fire with my personality. Finding who I am, not only as Melissa, but who I am in Christ. If anyone knows, it's NOT easy! It hurts, tries, breaks, and everything else that's unpleasant. Well, Monica has been there for me through it all. Speaking life into me, encouraging me, telling me like it is but in love. I have 2 best friends in my life that I know I can turn to no matter what. I believe God has placed Monica in my life to be my third.
Monica, for ALL you are, all you do for me & my family, everything that you have stood with me through...I thank you & love you!

I pray everyone has a blessed Thanksgiving. Remember what this is all about! If it wasn't for God giving us His son, we would not be here.
Thank you my Father for your love, grace & mercy! It's beyond anything I could ever dream or imagine!

If you so feel, please share your Thanks with me!

Robin Joyce McRae Stocking

Born August 20, 1979, taken home November 4, 2009
Where do words even begin? My precious cousin, whom was 356 days younger than I was, yet exalted oh so highly in my spirit. She was such a spiritual "older sister" to me, a leader, a warrior, no denying, God's Little Princess.
Robin was born with Cystic Fibrosis, and fought a LONG hard battle, NEVER giving in to the disease. I remember when Robin got her double lung transplant in 2007. She was ready for her body to reject these new lungs she had been blessed with. But God had such a miraculous plan for her. She was out of the hospital and on her road to recovery in a matter of weeks. She was amazing! She didn't take her gift for granted, not for a moment. I remember her telling me about her training to do a marathon...WOW, a marathon! I can barely walk a mile without throwing in the towel. I marveled at her and what she did in the time after her body recovering from her transplant.
I remember, the Dr's were besides themselves when they did her transplant. They said she shouldn't have been living with the way her lungs were, but isn't that what we've heard all her life? Robin shouldn't be alive.
But she was! More than physically, Robin was ALIVE in Christ!
God had his hand upon her, for Him to live through her, so that Robin could touch those that she did within those 30 years she walked this earth. She never took a day for granted.
I know things happen for a reason, but we don't always understand. When I heard the news of Robin's new lungs "going bad", I knew it was for a reason the Lord allowed this to happen to Robin. But Why? She continued to fight, trusting the Lord in what HE was doing. Never really understanding.
I received a few phone calls informing us that, "Robin wasn't doing too well." But we stood on the Lord's promises, trusting he would heal her. As time went on and her body grew weaker, we were told, "Robin's body can't fight the infection and the Dr's can't do another transplant."
It was a knife in my heart, but I KNEW there was something going on. God had something in his hands working something through someone, somehow.
Confusion, lost, unsure, pain, aggravation, questions...WHY!?!?!
But, God knew what he was doing.
Robin lived her life to the fullest. She loved her husband beyond words. She adored her baby boy more than life.
She was able to watch Christopher play baseball, she was SO proud! I remember texting her during one of Ant's tournament teams while she was out at Chris' game. We were talking about signing Chris up for indoor soccer. She was so excited & it was a topic we could totally talk about for DAYS!
When she got her lungs, she was so excited to take her boy out to the beach & while in San Francisco, had the opportunity to.
I could go on for days about my dear cousin, but I can't continue. I have a letter I must write and send off to her. I knew I should have written it 3 weeks ago, when I had the 'push' to do it, but chose to ignore it.
Now my chance has gone. But I must get some things off my chest and show her my appreciation for all she did for me.
More things on Robin will follow...I want to remember as much as I can. Until then, here are some photos of her...

Just Thinking Back

I just finished the Beach Blog Entry and it got me thinking of when I was a 'teen' growing up in Bethel Temple Church Of God in Banning, Ca. I have LOTS of memories there! It was always a very small and close knit church. Had it's ups & downs. I dated my first boyfriend in that church (he was a Pastor's son...LOL!), I met my first best friend (whom I am still best friends with through all of our ups & downs), my mom met my 'step-dad' in that church, and SO much more. But on my way home last night I was just thinking...

Thinking back, I never thought that:
1) I would be back in the church that I was raised in, serving the Lord with ALL my heart.
2) I would be a youth 'leader' (I guess I am a leader. It's very hard for me to think of myself as one).
3) I would ever do anything to impact anyone. (You see, I have always had a very low self esteem. It's always been hard for me to think that anything I would do would impact anyone, let alone a teenager)
4) I would be married to the AWESOME man I am married to & serving the Lord by his side.
5) I would have 4 blessings that I have been entrusted with to raise up as children of God and support their dreams and goals
6) I would live in a home, as gorgeous as mine. My goal was just to live in a house & not a trailor or apartment.
7) I would have so many people in my life that honestly & truly love me & my family, for who we are.
8) I would be a soccer mom, a PTA mom & my kids' #1 cheerleader
9) I would have people placed in my life that God expected me to minister to. He obviously sees me higher than I see myself & knows MUCH more than I know.
10) I would be the woman I am. I have been truly blessed!
It's not always been an easy ride, but every bump has been worth it!
I am just in awe with where my life is today. There are so many things that I get on myself over, but I know that I am doing the best I can do.

Thinking back, what are some things that you thought you would never become, but have?

Word Filled Wednesday

On my way from dropping Adriana & Gwen off at school this morning, I was thinking...
"It's Wednesday, what do I have to do?"
Honestly, the first thing that came to mind was Word Filled Wednesday. I didn't know why, but I decided to come home & clean up the kitchen. Then get onto the computer to look up my blogger friend's WFW.
Well, when I got to eLisa's page aka Extravagant Grace, I found this:

Have you ever been in a season of indescribable busyness, pulled in a thousand good directions? Have you ever felt distant from God, even though you are going through the motions of the relationship with Him and continue to be in service to Him?

That's where I am right now. This verse reminds me that the one thing I must do is Be Still -- somehow, someway to be still both in my soul and in my actions -- so that I may know Him. From that place, I will be able to hear His voice and heed His call.

I pray for a stillness of the Lord for all of us today. May we soak in His Word and allow it to still us from the inside out!

I know I've said it before, but God knows exactly what we need when we need it! I couldn't have written out my feelings any better.
May your day be blessed!

My blessings

A follow up to my "complaint baby post", that I posted yesterday....

God is just SO good! I am sitting here just in AWE with tears rolling down my face! I just read one of my dearest friend's blog : This Is Me
She invited my little girl over yesterday just to hang out & what she says about my baby girl in her blog, in my opinion, is just awesome!
I've known this stuff about my Little, but for someone to see it and just say how "cool & smart & awesome & has a great sense of humor, etc..." is something that as a mom is VERY touching!
My little girl is awesome! She's got her eyes focused on so much and is very focused on what God has for her too.
Jose always comments how beautiful she is and the is afraid for her to get to the age of dating, because he doesn't want her just running off with any boy, or anyone taking "advantage" of her. You know, the pretty girls seem to be the ones that get damaged the most, they're beautiful and they have an advantage.
BUT, I know that our girl is not only gorgeous, but she's got some smarts! She is focused on what God has for her & as long as we continue to raise her up, I believe the Lord will continue to do a work in her life. She may stray at some point, but God's word does not return void, and my baby will be strong & has a future!

Then, last night while at FUSION (yes I went, God wanted me there, because he had a word for me from Mike) Mike was teaching the kids about disobedience & disobeying your parents, etc.
Anyway, make a long story short and get to my point...
He was talking about his life as a child/teen and stated that soon he will be having his baby Eden & what will happen the day that she does some things that he did as a child.
Then he said these words...
"One day you will all be given a gift. Look at Jose & Melissa, they have been blessed with 4 gifts. I will be getting my gift anyday. We will all, hopefully be blessed with at least one gift from God."

When he said; "Look at Jose & Melissa, they have been blessed with 4 gifts." I felt like a rush of wind just hit me. I sat there and just began to cry.
God has BLESSED Jose & I with FOUR (4) GIFTS.
WE ARE BLESSED!
I *know* that, but for someone to see that and speak it was different than me *knowing* it.
Some people "just have kids". It's not a big deal to them. There is so much pain and hurt out there towards children. I guess as a grown woman who knows that pain, it's hard to accept that God has blessed *ME* with 4.
I've not "just had" four children, I've been BLESSED with four children.
WOW!
I praise you Father & thank you for your blessing!
I am in awe.