Thursday, November 12, 2009

Letter To Robin

Boy have I had a hard time writting this! I've really been dealing with depression & heartache over not being able to be at her service. I decided to write this and let it go. I am praying it brings some healing to me.

Anyway, here it is...

November 14, 2009

Dear Robin,

Well, this has been erased about 1,000 & 1 times. I keep trying to write you in the past tense, but just can’t seem to put the words the way I want them. I should have written this 2 months ago, when you could have read it, but I let that time pass me. So here I sit, writing to you & knowing you can’t read it, but I’m sure you hear it.

I want you to know how much I love & appreciated your friendship. I know you will say it was our friendship, but I suck at friendship. It’s something the Lord has been dealing heavily with me about & has once again used you for me to see something. I let my time go to tell you, while you were still here with me, and am now kicking myself for it. I guess a lesson learned…procrastination won’t get me very far.

You have become a true beacon of light in my life, honestly!

I have been in some situations where I have called upon you as a support. You stood with me, not only as my cousin, but as a sister in Christ. Giving me scripture to claim over the situation, prayers to pray over it, love to get me through and support to hold me up during my trying times.

You didn’t feel me with bologna, but truth. As much as it hurt, you said it…Now if that isn’t something we all need to learn!

You are someone who, no matter the circumstance, stood against the raging storms. Not only did you stand against what was given to you, you stood with your head held high, not backing down and ready to take it on, no matter what was thrown your direction. Standing on God’s promise…He is in control at ALL times.

You taught me to take every day as a blessing, no matter what it gave me.

Not to take my health & life for granted.

Robin, there are so many of us, including me, who take our bodies, temples, lives for granted. You fought everyday for yours. So many of us are capable of walking, running, playing with our children, even simple tasks of cleaning our house, mowing our lawn, grocery shopping, and the list can go on! When you wished you could do it, we are capable of it.

Watching you, taught me not to take those little things for granted.

I remember when you had your lung transplant and told me you were training for a marathon. I was awe struck! It made me reflect on what I was doing with my life. I started Weight Watchers and finally said to myself…I am doing this for Melissa! If Robin can do it in her condition, then damn it, why aren’t I?!?! I was working out on my elliptical everyday and told myself I was going to run & told everyone I knew how you inspired me. Robin, I’ve NEVER ran in my life! It killed me in school, but I knew if you could do it, so could I. Well May 24, 2008 was my first time I had Jose take me out to go running…Girl, I did it! Because of you, I did it! It didn’t last long, because a month later I found out I was pregnant, but it doesn’t mean I’m stopping. You have inspired me to take my health and run with it! I am taking hold of my life and making it the best I can, and one day, I promise you, I will be in a marathon.

Who knows, with all the effort I put into my local Relay For Life, I may start a Great Strides Chapter, here in Riverside County, in remembrance of Robin Joyce Stocking! Now wouldn’t that be something…something I need to start praying about =)

Robin, I am truly at a loss of words of what you mean to me! For years, I was envious of the relationship you had with Lourdes. But I now see, He saved the best for last! Who knows, if we were as close as teenagers, maybe we wouldn’t have had the relationship we had as adults. I can’t say. But what I can say is…Our Heavenly Father knew & had a plan all along!
Before I wrap this up…I have a confession to make. I haven’t told anyone, but my mom yesterday what I’m about to tell you.

When we were about 7 & 8 years old, my grandma and one of our Aunts, or even your mom took me out shopping at a department store. When we were there, they showed me a rack of sweaters and told me that they wanted to buy one for you for an early birthday present. Well, for whatever reason (I’m sure you & Lourdes were being “really nice” to me), I was pissed off at you. So they told me to pick out a sweater that you would like. So in my anger, I looked for the ugliest, most disgustingly ‘old’ looking sweater on the racks I could find. After all, I was MAD & I wasn’t about to get you something cute. After I picked it out, they asked me, “Are you sure this is what she would like?” Of course I replied with my sweetest voice, “Yeah, she’ll like it!” Then they asked, “Well, is it something you like & would wear?” Again…”Yeah, it’s way cool (or whatever the ‘hip’ word was)”. And off we went. Later that night, or even the next day, there was this surprise party of some sorts. I happened to have a surprise. My surprise was that my grandparents were taking me to Idaho that summer! Then they handed me a box to open up…It was that UGLY SWEATER I PICKED OUT FOR YOU! They wanted to surprise me with a sweater to take to Idaho & I was able to pick out my own sweater! I had to act surprised & excited to get that god awful sweater…After all, it was supposed to be your ugly sweater.

Robin…I love you! More than words could express, cards could describe or flowers could show!

Until that meeting in the sky…Your Cuzin…Mis, Mit, Mel